I should start out by explaining how I died, that way the event that happened after my death makes sense to you. I was a med student in my second year at the University of Chicago. I had been studying all night in Harper Library for my final exams. I was fed up with always studying. I had been working my butt off since 8th grade, trying to get into the college of my dreams, as my classmates coasted by. They were at the same level that I am, but they never did any work. Some of them did not even know what was happening in school because they missed so many days. I began to feel that I was not good enough to do the work anymore because everyone else had the ability to get by so effortlessly. I was done with life, so I packed up my books. I was leaving the quiet frenzy of the library, and soon this world.
I walked off campus, fighting the freezing wind. I began to think that I was going crazy because of my feelings towards life. Instead of catching a cab towards my apartment, I walked to try to clear my head. I walked down Elis Avenue, and turned on the corner onto Ingleside Avenue. The wind was so violent it ushered me into my apartment building, and I ascended up the stairs. When I got into my room, I put on extra socks and two scarves, laced up my shoes and grabbed a warmer coat. I left my keys on the counter and shut the door behind me. Coming down the hall was my roommate, Sam. I could tell from the dark circles that were becoming permanently etched into his face that he was feeling the pain of exams, too. I walked down the back hallway to avoid him. I was not about to be talked out of my plan. So, I walked into the snowy abyss.
I hadn't really thought a lot about my death. It was spur of the moment, really. The only thing that I thought about was the location. I had chosen South Campus Dining Hall. In my mind, it was the perfect spot. It had full glass windows that let in sunlight, making the room nice and toasty on a spring day. I did not want to die on the older parts of campus. If I decided to smash through the glass windows, something new was easier to repair than the windows of stone, gargoyle lined buildings. This was my final hour, yet I still had respect for the beauty of my school.
I never had a bad life. My parents were happily married, and to my knowledge never fought. I had a girlfriend, good grades, and tons of friends. I was not a lonely person, I was actually happy. I was just fed up with working so hard. If I just dropped out of school, I would be a disappointment to my family, and to all of my friends. Everyone expected me to be a doctor, but I was to the point that I did not believe that I would succeed. You may say death is an overreaction to a load of work, but I just did not feel cut out for it. I was tired and for once I just wanted peace. I was going to get it, one way or another. I stood outside of the dining hall for a long time watching people. It was breakfast time, and groggy students were flocking to the hall in masses. Inside, people were laughing and enjoying themselves. As people went in and out of the building they gave me funny looks. I did not care, soon it would be over. I started crying because I knew that someone would never feel the same way as I did. I wondered how they did it. How could they carry the weight of a large load and still be okay? I sighed. I realized that if I was going to jump, now was the time to start. I pushed my glasses up on my nose, and the adrenaline sent me to scale the beams that held the floor to the ceiling windows. I climbed onto the ledge above the entrance, and scrambled to the one above the main dining room. Beneath me, a crowd of people were starting to gather. I stood up, and a huge gust of wind nearly knocked me over. I caught myself just in time. I was going to jump on my own, not with Mother Nature's help. I positioned myself at the tip of the roof. I looked over and saw Allie, my girlfriend. I noticed here in the crowd as if a spotlight was singling her out. She had tears running down her bright pink cheeks; she pushed through the crowd, screaming my name.
"Victor! Don't jump! Please!"
A knot was beginning to rise in my throat. I loved that girl, but there was no stopping me. I jumped.
"Death is the cessation of the connection between our mind and body. When the body disintegrates at death, the mind does not cease." This is the Buddhism belief. I am the proof that this is true. When I woke up, in front of me was an eel shaped monster. It had the face of a human, and in its four hands it held four globes. I saw Allie, my school, my parents, and Sam frowning at the keys that I left on the counter. The eel monster circled me with its body, building up around me like a wall. As the monster coiled around me to form a taller wall, everything got dark.
All I could see were the yellow menacing eyes of the beast. It opened its hands to reveal the light of the globes. I could now see the outline of its frightening face. It changed form to become the face of a woman, a bird, a demon, and an eel. Its voice was a booming, thunderous roar. The ground shook as it spoke, and I bounced around its body, as it screamed:
"You have come to the realm of darkness in a dishonest way. I am the one who takes people's lives. For some reason, you humans believe that you are all powerful, when indeed you are not. I rule the darkness alongside another god like me. He is even more powerful. It is he that rules the light. Because of your trespass into this place you have two options; you may go back to living, having everyone constantly worrying about you. You will finish med school, but you will never be able to sleep, or enjoy anything, even your success of graduating. Or, I can swallow you and for eternity you will sit in the bottomless pit that is my stomach. Other people will join you, along with those who are there already. You will be forced to hear their stories about coming to this place over and over, and you will be bored by them. You will have no choice but to listen, because there will be no way for you to become deaf to their words."
the monster grew silent and loosened its coil. Light filtered through its massive body as I mulled over my options. Should I continue my life constantly bored until the day I die? O r should I choose to be bored for all eternity? I answered the devil.
" I choose to stay here."
The devil unraveled its body from me completely. The sound of it reminded me of a boulder rubbing against another.
"So be it," He bellowed.
He swallowed me up with its ugly mouth, and the ties of my old life were severed. My final hour had come to pass, and I became immersed in the corners of my mind. That was all I had now.
22 February 2013
Untitled
If you walk outside my door all you can see is white. Its empty here because its just us. The last people on earth. When I say its white I mean it. The earth has been completely wiped out. The ground I walk on is white, the sky is white.
I don't have much knowledge. But I know that white is meant to be a pure color. If its so pure explain why instead of starting over completely this white world continues on in its destructive manner. We got here by pollution. Why do we continue to pollute? I can't explain it. And neither can our government.
It wasn't white always. It recently became this way. Maybe mother earth just became tired and she made everything fade away to protect what little beauty she had left after we humans tore it up. I believe things can work in that way.
Its a miracle that the earth didn't just destroy us like a teenager destroying the millions of craters upon their face.
She saw too, that no matter what we would came back twice as strong. Because that's what we do. As humans we adapt to the impossible.
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